i will stumble & fall, still learning to love just starting to crawl
by elixo
Summary: kise learns the hard way of falling in love with the wrong (right) person. – aoki


"You're looking out the window again, Kise."

It wasn't a special day to him. He didn't have a good meal, his producers didn't give him a new project, his fan girls didn't give him much attention (but that's actually something to be happy about), over all he didn't have any reason to be so happy. Yet he finds himself smiling at the basketball players running around the campus to finish some laps.

He stares at a running figure with blue hair and tan skin and tries to hide whenever the boy looks at his direction (but of course he never does because why would you look at the third floor of a building while running around?). He watches as he tries to finish the session quickly, as he drinks some water after three laps and resume for more, also the way he laughs at his teammates while running two meters ahead of them and how he shines so bri-

"Kise!"

"Sorry! I got distracted."

He looks back again but the enchanting light disappears. Right there and then, Kise Ryouta finally makes a decision–

 _I'm going to join the basketball club!_

It was easy playing basketball for Kise Ryouta.

He didn't want to boast but it was obvious that he was good at it. So good that less than two weeks he is already being invited to the 1st string. It didn't really surprise him when the manager suddenly comes up to him while he was cleaning.

And yes Momoi Satsuki is beautiful.

The kind of beautiful that's simple to gaze on. She has light pink hair tied in a ponytail the sways whenever she moves. Pink eyes that shimmers in delight whenever she talks about basketball. She is simple yet elegant at the same time. And he knows that he'll blend with her easily.

As they walk into the first gym he sees a light gleaming as if he just saw the sun. It was a light that had a cheeky smile that greeted him in his coming. He stood still admiring the light in front of him not wishing to waste any moment that passes. But his admiration stops when he hears his companion speak–

"Ah I wonder where Tetsu-kun went."

"Tetsu-kun?" _What an informal way to call someone._

"Ah he's supposed to be you mentor. I wonder where he is."

"A mentor? For me? It's okay maybe he's also bus–"

"Hello, I'm here."

 _And the shadow appears behind the light._

 _These are the happiest days._

The whole basketball team is he's pride and passion.

He loves it there. He always has the best time being with the people who shared his love with the sport. Every day is like a gift.

Murasakibara Atsushi is like a little brother that you have mixed feelings with. He shares his snacks and sometimes gives all his food to him. Murasakibara is one he's greatest teammates that he admires. Even though he's lazy but when in a game he knows to be serious. He admires that personality of his (but sometimes hate).

Midorima Shintarou is like a hard-working. A zodiac obsessed mother that has this tsundere vibe that Ryouta loves and adores. He knows that these person is respectable and honourable. He's responsible to the needs of his teammates but doesn't show it too much but you know he's there.

Akashi Seijurou is like a strict father. A father that expects so much from you, but you know he's there to guide you whenever. He is quiet and strict, a gentleman and a leader, a friend and a foe. He admires the way he speaks and feels safe when he is with him.

Kuroko Tetsuya is like a gentle brother. He'll calmly correct your mistakes; a brother that'll be there in times of crisis. And yet he is also a shadow that stays in the back that doesn't need any admiration, yet he still gives him the adoration the shadow needs because he is his friend that he cherishes.

Aomine Daiki is like staring at ceiling during the winter time. You stare at it admiring the silence of the room, the winter breeze coming from your open window. It is a distraction that makes you admire the other things around you. A better perspective to the things you haven't seen. He shouldn't be blinded by it.

 _But he keeps on staring anyway._

Kuroko Tetsuya and Aomine Daiki were close.

It was obvious because one: Aomine calls Kuroko by his first name, second: they are dubbed as the shadow and light and third: Kuroko Tetsuya was the only thing that Ryouta hears from Aomine's mouth (well not always).

"Kise-kun, you're distracted."

He feels the melting ice cream reaches his fingers. He blushes as he realizes what Kuroko was talking about. It's just a crush he says yet the latter only stares at him then sighs.

"Let's do our best, Kise-kun."

 _He hates the feeling of falling. Especially the emotions he feels while doing it._

He stares at the boy with blue hair as the latter plays basketball.

He adores the way he cheekily smiles as he takes the ball. The way he praises his teammate when the other takes a point. He wishes that he is the one with him, the one he smiles to, the one he plays games with. He tries to keep in all inside and yet his emotions gets to him anyways.

He asks him to one-on-one with him (and it would be rather surprising if the latter would not accept the invitation). They play for an hour at the basketball court outside the school. He was losing but he's with the boy he admires who gives all his attention to him so he doesn't mind.

The game ends with a three point difference. He's angry because he wants to play more, but the latter refuses, he's body is already tired. As he whines, the bluenette suddenly ruffles his hair, laughs and says–

"Maybe next time Kise."

 _He is his rival and also his courage._

He's failing.

The challenge with Kuroko was hard. It was also unfair because Kuroko and Aomine are best friends. He only stares at the two as they interact with each other, having the hard time to talk to Aomine. But he tries to keep up in the conversation, finding a way that he can join them. He finds a topic but later on ignores him again. He keeps on trying to get the bluenette's attention. It was hard but he thinks his hard work would pay off anyways (but it won't).

"You're so strong Ki-chan."

"What do you mean Momo-chi?"

 _He doesn't understand what it meant (but he will soon)._

It all changes when Akashi becomes the captain.

Everyone is changing. Midorima is colder to the other members, Murasakibara is lazier than ever, Kuroko is quieter than normal, Akashi is harder to talk to, and Aomine isn't attending practices anymore.

He practices alone at the court outside the school, the same court he played with him. He sees the blue haired boy pass by. He approached him and asks him to play one-on-one. The latter accepts hesitantly but still does. They play together silently, no talks just the sound of the ball as it bounces up and down. He hates the silence so he breaks it.

"Aominecchi, why aren't you practicing anymore?"

The sunset was beautiful, the spring breeze was refreshing, the sound of the bouncing ball gives him nostalgia and the voice of the boy standing in front of him breaks his heart.

"It isn't worth it."

 _The light has dimmed, and so has he._

It was the day of their graduation.

He looks for the bluenette when he realized just minutes ago that he wasn't there at the ceremony. He goes to the places he could find him, the gym, classroom, rooftop and finally he sees him at the courtyard, tiring himself by playing basketball. He approaches the courtyard and the latter realizes his presence stops playing.

He could see the hate in his eyes, how the light dimmed in front of him. He calls out his name but he ignores him.

"Aominecchi!" his voice quivers.

"What?"

"Play a ga-"

"I'm tired, go back to the ceremony, Kise." His heart breaks as he calls his name.

"But I-"

"Not now Kis-."

"I love you."

Time stops. It felt so fleeting, so simple, and so nostalgic. In that moment he realized a bunch of things; how he has been in love ever since, how he felt so jealous to Kurokocchi when he shouldn't, why Momocchi tells him he's so strong when he's certainly not. A moment of realization for the past two years that haunts him in his sleep and in his wake.

Kise Ryouta has never cried tears of sadness mixed with regret. It hurts. The tears burn his face. He hates the feeling in his head. He hates the way his stomach churns. He hates the way the numbness of his skin. He hates the way the bluenette looks at him in regret. He hates the way he loves Aomine Daiki and wouldn't care of the latter not loving him back.

He goes back to the ceremony. He hides his tears with a smile, like he always does. His classmates congratulates him. So many fans asking for his autograph. It's still the same, he's still the Kise Ryouta every one adores.

He sees a blue haired boy running, panting and staring at him. He stares at the former light, searching for any shine that has left. He sees nothing but darkness so he looks back, ignoring the latter calling out his name.

 _He doesn't look back._


End file.
